Deprecated: Function get_magic_quotes_gpc() is deprecated in /var/www/html/fr/ on line 136
Free Liberal: Coordinating towards higher values

Free Liberal

Coordinating towards higher values

The Alternative Reality of George W. Bush

By Scott C. Smith

When Attorney General John Ashcroft resigned on November 9th, he stated in his resignation letter to President George W. Bush, “The objective of securing the safety of Americans from crime and terror has been achieved.”

When did that happen?

Convinced that the liberal media had buried this bit of extraordinary news, I searched through newspaper archives to try and figure out at what point America had been secured from crime and terror.

It turns out that John Ashcroft is apparently delusional, because the Department of Homeland Security has the terror level set to “Elevated,” which is defined as a “significant risk of terrorist attacks.”

If we’re at a significant risk of terrorist attacks, how could John Ashcroft say the goal of securing America from terror had been achieved? Only in the bizarre alternate-reality world of the Bush administration, where up is down, left is right, and deficit spending is the key to a strong economy, would a cabinet official make such a claim.

I believe John Ashcroft’s reasoning is along these lines: We have not had another terrorist attack since Sept. 11, 2001; therefore, we are safe from terrorists.

John Ashcroft isn’t the only current or former member of the Bush administration wearing rose-colored glasses. Actually, I’m pretty sure they all are, from President Bush on down, and extending across the United States to Bush supporters in every state.

George W. Bush has lived under a protective bubble from the moment he was elected president, as his handlers keep him blissfully unaware of what is happening outside the walls of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue; as far as Mr. Bush is concerned, life is peachy. How else to explain the fact that Bush could not answer a reporter’s question regarding any mistakes Bush had made as president. To George W. Bush, he hasn’t made any mistakes.

The war in Iraq is another instance where the Bush administration appears to be observing a completely different battle than what is actually happening on the ground in Iraq. Daily, our forces are under attack by Iraqi insurgents; a small but deadly group of Iraqis not at all happy that they had been liberated from the tyranny of Saddam Hussein.

Of course, the Bush administration expected a completely different reaction from Iraqis when we arrived to free them from Saddam Hussein. On March 16, 2003, Vice President Dick Cheney said on NBC’s Meet The Press, “I think things have gotten so bad inside Iraq, from the standpoint of the Iraqi people, my belief is we will, in fact, be greeted as liberators." If you change the word “liberators” to “occupiers,” you have a more accurate assessment of what is happening in Iraq. Earlier that same day, Cheney said on the CBS program Face The Nation that the duration of the war would be “weeks rather than months.” Not to mention the fact that the Bush administration believed our troops would be greeted with “roses, not rockets.”

The Bush administration also has a rosy view of the U.S. economy. It’s growing! The Clinton recession is over! Here come the jobs!

Sounds great. More jobs! Life is good. Sort of. In October, the U.S. unemployment rate rose from 5.4% to 5.5%. Pretty low, but Bill Clinton did better. In 1999, the U.S. unemployment rate was at 4.2%.

Economic hope is just around the corner, I’m sure. Personally, I cannot wait for Social Security to be partially privatized. I’ve been watching Suze Orman every week on CNBC, so I know I’ll make the right choices in how to invest for my retirement. There’s the small matter of paying for the transition to partial privatization of Social Security; that transition could cost two trillion dollars, and so far the Bush administration has not explained where the money would come from to pay that two trillion. I have it from an unreliable source that the Bush administration actually has plans to buy millions of lottery tickets in lotteries all over the world in the hopes of securing the cash. That, and Bush’s team of researches hunting for a leprechaun with a pot of gold, along with the team trying to find buried pirate treasure, should take care of our financial troubles.

The next four years will definitely be interesting, as team Bush implements Bush’s five-point plan for improving America. Well, actually, I’m not sure it’s a five-point plan. Word is top officials have uncovered a mystical orb that can shed light on the future. One just asks it a question and shakes the orb, which eerily predicts the future.

You know, I think I was wrong. The Bush administration isn’t wearing rose-colored glasses. They just have their heads in the sand. Well, not in, but up, and it’s not sand those heads are in.

Scott C. Smith is a freelance writer from Beaverton, Oregon. Unfair and biased, Scott writes about politics from a liberal point of view. His columns have appeared at The Smirking Chimp and Democratic Underground web sites and, on one memorable occasion, at Michael Moore's web site. In addition to his weekly column, Scott writes for his blog, "What's In Scott's Head" You can e-mail him at

This column originally appeared on

Deprecated: Function get_magic_quotes_gpc() is deprecated in /var/www/html/fr/ on line 136