by Jonathan David Morris
Its not easy being a weekly columnist. Every week, in order to keep my readers, I must challenge conventional wisdom to a fistfight.
Sometimes this means saying the things other people are thinking. Other times, it means saying the things people think they are thinking, but think they shouldnt say.
I dont think many people are thinking what Im going to say this week. But who knows? In a few weeks, maybe theyll start to.
The way I see it, theres only one way the GOP can hold onto Congress. And thats if they fix the elections.
I know this sounds crazy. Or even vaguely Democratic. But trust me: I say this as neither a Democrat (which Im not), nor a concerned American (which Im not). I am simply a casual observer who has casually observed Republicans screwing up the country over the last six years.
If the vast majority of political polls are correct, roughly one Republican congressman will hold onto his congressional seat in this years midterm elections. Perhaps its too soon to call this a foregone conclusion, but lets face it: Its not too soon to call this a foregone conclusion. If any victory has ever been guaranteed, this years Democratic landslide would be it.
That said, we need to start asking: What if they lose this thing? What if Republicans manage to stave off destruction?
Im not asking What if? in terms of how well survive. Im asking in terms of: How could this happen?
Really, it couldnt.
Unless, of course, theres a fix.
I know this idea will not be popular. And some people will write and call me a conspiracy theorist. But its not about conspiracies. Its about an odd crack in the system.
In 2004, exit polls showed John Kerry trouncing George Bush all throughout Election Day. Somehow, we went to bed without a president-elect that evening. And when we woke up the next day, Kerry was dead.
(Okay, he conceded. But same thing.)
We accepted this fate for a number of reasons. One, because we didnt want to go through Election 2000 all over again. And two, because Kerry was vastly unappealing, and didnt seem worth the time.
Few people thought that election was fixed. And make no mistake: Im not saying that it was. But the media blamed themselves for getting the exit polls wrong that day. If this happens againif all these pre-election, pro-Democratic polls turn out to be false positiveswell have to consider the real possibility that something is rotten in the state of Denmark (or Florida, or Ohio, or whichever state it will be).
The only other way to explain it would be were a nation of liars, and the polls are all based on lies.
Neither explanation is comforting. But I invite you to take your pick.
Jonathan David Morris is a political writer -- and sometimes satirist -- based in Pennsylvania. A strong believer in small government, JDM often takes aim at oppressive taxes, entitlements, and laws, writing about incompetence at the highest levels of culture and government. Catch his weekly ramblings at readjdm.com.