By Carl Milsted, Jr.

I have a grim announcement to make. Cue up the ominous music. I suggest “Imperial March” from The Empire Strikes Back.

I’m going over to the Dark Side; I have joined the Republican Party. If we’re going to have warrantless detentions, torture, prison camps, and corporate handouts, I want to be on the inside. Power and pork, here I come!

Bwahahahahahahahahaha!

Besides, I need a government grant for my evil petting zoo.

OK, just kidding. I haven’t become that evil. However, I have joined the Republican Party, but it’s not from a sudden love for the politics of Karl Rove and David Horowitz. I joined because these nefarious characters are in a weakened position. Their president is setting near record levels of disapproval, and they lost both houses of Congress. Their days of leadership in the Republican Party are numbered.

In other words, the stock price of the Republican Party has plummeted. It is ripe for a hostile takeover. And the private equity firm leading the charge is the Ron Paul Revolution.

I have been to several Ron Paul meetups and observed something very interesting: few of the people there were registered Republicans. Most were unaffiliated, with a few Democrats thrown in. Scientific polls among “likely Republican primary voters” show very little support for Ron Paul, yet Paul wins most Internet and phone-in polls, has people show up by the thousand at his rallies, and has more money in the bank than John McCain.

What we are seeing is a ragtag band of peaceniks, hippies, and libertarians taking on the Sith Lords who control the Republican Party, crying, “Come to the Tie-dye Side!”

Groovy!

But realistic? Can a hippie-conservative coalition work? Should Free Liberalism give way to Eco-Conservatism?
Well, I don’t expect the neo-cons to go along. They can just go back to being Democrats. Racism, stupid wars, civil liberties violations and a penchant for Anglophilia were all characteristics of the Wilson Administration, the same people that gave us the income tax and the Federal Reserve. Now that’s quality evil!

It’s the old fashioned “real” conservatives that would have to adjust. It would be hard, but there is a surprising amount of overlap between hippie and conservative values. Consider:

• Both support localism. State’s rights, bioregionalism…what’s the difference save where to put the borders?

• Organic farming is an incredibly conservative, nay reactionary, idea.

• Anti-war, anti-death-penalty, anti-abortion…they’re all against legalized killing.

• Frankenfoods and factory farming are violations of Biblical Law.

• Alternative medicine is our best hope against a socialized healthcare system.

• Ending the War on Drugs is definitely an example of “getting the government off your back.”

• Hand out some bad pot and the hippies and John Birchers can get paranoid together.

Some adjustments have already been made: National Review has long called for ending the War on Drugs. Meanwhile, some of the local anti-Wal Mart hippies are saying things I that read years ago in None Dare Call it Conspiracy. It’s a long shot, but it could theoretically work.

And if not, we could always change parties again afterwards.

Carl Milsted is a senior editor of The Free Liberal.